Monday, August 16, 2010

Poop on a stick.

I've been getting horrible nausea and tummy cramps lately so after 2 weeks of this crap I went to the doctor today. She asked me if I was full of babby, became an alcoholic, or chain smoker and I was like um no so she poked me and prodded me and made me pee in a cup then stuck me in an xray. She said thre was some calcium deposits along my intestines and asked if I was taking calcium supplements and I was like yea and she said stop eet they aren't dissolving right and I told her I eat the caramel ones and she was like oh never mind so she made me go to the vampire to take some blood and then I had to blow in a bag and drink some crap and blow in a different bag and then the nurse gave me a biohazard mailer with a stick so I can send them my poop and then the doctor gave me some antibiotics in case I have a kidney infection.

So she said I might have:
  • Ulcer (thats bad)
  • Bowel obstruction (kinda bad)
  • Constipated (not that bad, means I'm a crybaby vagina meat)
  • Stomach cancer (really bad)
  • Kidney infection (kinda bad) 
It is not however, lupus. Its never lupus. Except for that one time it was.

2 comments:

  1. You think you have problems? Spare a thought for the poor bugger at the Institute for Poo Studies, whose job description includes opening the mail.

    Now there's a shit job.

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  2. It was this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H_pylori
    and I didnt need to poop on a stick.

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