Thursday, May 13, 2010

No pie ;_;

We must raise German pie awareness.

Ishtara: Did you know that if you heat up lactose-free cheese in the microwave
Ishtara: And pour vanilla yofu on top of the molten goodness
Ishtara: It almost tastes like cheesecake?
Ishtara: Without the cake.
Daria: you are so gross
Ishtara: Just the cheese + sugar combo
Daria: ...cheesecake doesnt include cake to begin with
Ishtara: Not?
Daria: its more akin to a pie
Ishtara: Isn't the base a....
Ishtara: "baked pastry case"
Ishtara: Says my dictionary
Daria: ...pie crust
Daria: in a way
Ishtara: I never really got that
Ishtara: Pie, cake...
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Ishtara: We make a distinction between mushy and less mushy
Daria: I dont understand the etymology but theres probably a reason its called cake when its more like a pie
Daria: cake is more of a sweetbread...mushy + crust = pie
Daria: for the most part
Daria: there are exceptions
Ishtara: Between finger-cake and stuff that'd turn into a total mess without a fork
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Daria: this = delishus caek
Ishtara: Ah
Ishtara: So cake is fingerfood.
Daria: no, you need a fork
Daria: this = pie
Ishtara: Whereas pie is mushy stuff?
Ishtara: On a thin crust
Daria: pretty much
Ishtara: We don't have anything like pie here.
Daria: cake is sweet fluffy bread..usually with a frosting...
Daria: pie is fruit or cream mush placed inside a crust...
Daria: pudding is just mush
Ishtara: What do you call this:
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Daria: tart is a firm pie..I idea what the difference between a pie and a tart is
Daria: like what it says...a torte...
Ishtara: This would be a "Torte" in German (Sachertorte should be known world-wide I think)
Ishtara: Oh.
Ishtara: Well, the only other word we have is Kuchen
Ishtara: That describes everything else
Ishtara: Such as cheesecake
Ishtara: We have no word for pie
Daria: in merikuh kuchen usually means coffeecake
Ishtara: I mean, it's a strange cocnept... cake with a filling
Daria: they dont really have it here
Daria: but when I was in Indiana (ZOMGGERMANS!) we had "kuchen"...and it was sort of a baklava...kinda...I cant remember real well
Daria: most likely this is the def. I remember: A coffee cake-like pastry, with veins and pockets of cinnamon  and sugar baked throughout; its primary components are butter and sugar. (Most popular in Southern Indiana.)
Ishtara: Yes, coffee cake describes it pretty well
Ishtara: Finger food
Daria: bullshit, you cant eat that with your fingers
Daria: it just falls all over the place and makes a mess
Daria: you need a fork ^_^
Ishtara: Most cake sorts can be eaten with your fingers.
Daria: not good cakes
Daria: good cakes are moist...fluffy....usually unable to be picked up
Daria: I mean you /can/ it just doesnt work real well
Ishtara: If you buy a slice at a bakery, you get a piece of cardboard (the same things they serve bratwurst on) and the cake on top. No fork.
Daria: we have established that germans have non-german food kinda fucked up though
Ishtara: Those cardboards have a perforation. You can rip a strip off and use it as finger protection
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Ishtara: Like that... bit small. I mean the cardboard thing on the left
Daria: the only cake that can both be considered "good" (as in of quality) and "finger food" is a fruitcake...which I would never consider "good" (meaning delishus)
Ishtara: Cheesecake counts as a cake here
Ishtara: So does apple pie
Ishtara: We usually make it with the apples on top. Not as a filling.
Ishtara: Sometimes with a layer of streusel above the apple layer
Ishtara: Butter + sugar, basically.
Ishtara: Crumble?
Ishtara: Baked sugary butter with very little flour
Ishtara: Main ingredient is sugar.
Daria: germans are retarded. you guys say shit like "hihihihi" and "WooooOOOOoooOOOoo" and "Wir müssen die Juden ausrotten"
Ishtara: Rarely in the same sentence though
Ishtara: Some people do.
Daria: you just made me lol so hard I needed my inhalor
Ishtara: But we don't consider them entirely sane
Ishtara: I read that Hitler was like that
Ishtara: "hihihihee.... Wir müssen die Juden ausrotten! wooohoooooOOO!

Daria: did you know germans have no concept of pie?
Nice Jewish Boy: really?
Nice Jewish Boy: that's strange
Daria: seriously
Daria: they dont have pie there
Daria: its all cake
Nice Jewish Boy: interesting
Daria: and since the cake is a lie...
Nice Jewish Boy: they have nothing
Nice Jewish Boy: poor germans


  1. In my defense... my blood sugar was running low :P And I was overtired.

  2. Bloody Germans! - Only joking Ishtara ;) Although the American's get it wrong too - a pie should be completely covered in pastry and doesn't have to be sweet all the time. A nice meat and potato pie is what you need! Mmmmmmmm ... meat and potato pie!

  3. Wow, the long winter nights must fly by for you two ;-)

    May I also add that during my time in Germany they had cake and (pie (tart in UK)) that would make your arteries scream and run for cover.

  4. I'm sure that some of our Kuchen would called pie in the English speaking world :) We know Torten (fancy cake / tart) and Kuchen, which applies to most other things (my dictionary lists cake, cupcake, pound cake, black cake, loaf cake / tea loaf, plum pudding, flan and pie as possible translations). I've never seen a typical pie with a crust on top and a filling inside, such as Suella's meat & potato pie or this thing: .

    But I usually don't eat pastry, so I'm not much of an expert :) I buy chocolate whenever I want to ruin my health a little. I could die for Belgian chocolate sea shells.