- Lonely housewife
- Old and horny
- Crazy and in denial
- Basement dweller
For this, I figure I'd take a look at my own SLing habits.
I joined SL when I was 15. I had been looking online for a pirated copy of TSO, and mistakenly downloaded the SL viewer for one. I signed up during my school lunch period, under a fake name with a fake age. This was something I did by default, before I knew there was a TSL. I came into SL and was instantly amazed. I could stop being a fat ugly 15 year old. I could be a skinny tall blonde 23 year old woohoo! I had just moved to California, and I had very little friends. I was batshit insane, and most people at my school knew it. The beginning of my SL involved finding a job and shopping for freebies. Boring and typical. I had the creepy sex I never could have irl, I loved building things I couldn't have in rl, tried to have a job I wasn't mentally stable enough in rl, the typical SL spiel. I had always thought if I was tall, skinny, and blonde, all of my irl problems would go away. I wouldn't be afraid of people because I was pretty. I wouldn't have self esteem issues because I was pretty. I could get a boyfriend and be loved because I was pretty. None of this happened. In SL, I thought I was pretty. I was still terrified of people even ones I thought I was more attractive than. I was still afraid of not having the coolest skin. I got boyfriends, but they were all assholes that I didn't want anyway. I eventually realized this.
Now, everyone wants to be pretty and loved, but most people just try extra hard in RL until they are pretty or loved or both. Its the crazy and depressed who go to the internet to get the same human needs. There are different tiers of finding these needs. The normal try for RL. The slightly more crazy might go to an internet chat group, the next tier would perhaps go to a forum, the next maybe a blog, on and on through different internet communities until they find where they fit. A lot of people ask me "If people in SL are just a bunch of tardlets you hate, why are you still in SL?" The answer is simple: I am also a tardlet. Except I can freely admit it to myself, and to others. I wouldn't consider myself better than the rest of SL, just different. I think the majority of people would rather be in denial about themselves than realize there is something wrong. However, realization of such fucked up things are important. As much as I hate 12 step groups, one thing is certain. Admitting you have a problem is the first step towards recovery. You have to acknowledge something is fucked up to change it. Although, most live by the ignorance is bliss mantra.
As much as I wish I could live by that, I can't. My flavor of crazy disallows me to remain ignorant of the things which show the fucked up parts of my life. To quote GI Joe, "Knowing is half the battle." Knowing SL is filled with fucked up people is only half of what we need to do to make SL a better place. I figure we can do one of two things: Accept SL as a place of a specific tier of fucked up people, or change the tier. I'm not sure which I would like do to.
SL provides a place for the crazy and depressed to try the things that they think will make life all better. Except, those things never really do make life better. It sucks, but its the reality of the situation. I believe I subconsciously continue to do the things I believe will make life better, and so does everyone else.
I'm not sure if any of this is good or bad, but it is what it is, and if it needs to be changed it will, but I doubt it will ever change.
Now playing: Straight Street - The Fiery Furnaces